in which i review FASHUN!
This year’s theme: Manus X Machina, which is probably just another excuse to wear SPARKLY LATEX and use underrepresented letters of the alphabet.
(photos taken from vogue.com)
It’s like she went to Home Depot, bought a silver pipe and some crab traps, and sewed them together. But/And somehow, SHE LOOKS AMAZING!!!
Este, Danielle, & Alana Haim
Danielle and Alana look like they’re shunning Este. Screw you! We were supposed to dress completely like the set of AHS: Coven, and now you’ve ruined it with this weird brownish color.
“It’s not a phase, mom! Just FRIKIN’ deal with it.”
Nick Jonas decided at the last minute that f-ck you, he should be able to wear a broken condom in his boutonniere.
Nicole Kidman & Keith Urban
Nicole looks like she forgot about the Met Gala and realized, at the last minute that shit, she actually has to GO to this thing. So she drove to Jo-Ann’s and picked up the first gauzy fabric she could find, dumped a bottle of glitter glue on it, tied on a string of Christmas lights to hold it together, and called it a day. Keith Urban looks like the candlestick from Beauty and the Beast.
Jennifer Hudson looks like the duster from Beauty and the Beast. #Kennifer? Also, her lip gloss be POPPIN’.
Kim Kardashian & Kanye West
“Are you F-CKING with me? We didn’t get the cover of InTouch Weekly this week? Hold on, Kanye, call my plastic surgeon, we’re going to need 50 gumballs and a bathtub…”
Selena looks like she finally got to do what all girls want to do when they get a fancy new sports bra.
Cameron & Tyler Winklevoss
I can’t even critique their fashion choices. I’m too busy staring at their UNBELIEVABLY RECTANGULAR HEADS. Also, Tyra Banks thought she had a five-head? Ooooohhhh mmmmyyyy gooooddddd.
Irina looks like a 80’s beach motel. Also, this is not theme-appropriate at all : is she saying that in the future we’re ALL going to be wearing sea stars and plastic beads?
EMMA YOU ARE SO BEAUTIFUL AND THEME APPROPRIATE AND BADASS. IF YOU’RE READING THIS I LOVE YOU. XOXO!!!!!!
She looks like a fancy latex peach emoji. A beautiful peach emoji. Also, damn, her butt is like a freakin’ bubble. Kim K could never. Love you B <3
Tell me that you don’t look at this and see ‘curtain’?
Aja Naomi King
Damn, that dress is gorgeous against her skin. -10 for not fitting the theme though…unless the futuristic element is…a black woman getting…media coverage…holy shit…