FASHUN FASHUN BABY: met gala

in which i review FASHUN!

This year’s theme: Manus X Machina, which is probably just another excuse to wear SPARKLY LATEX and use underrepresented letters of the alphabet.

(photos taken from vogue.com)

Liu Wen

It’s like she went to Home Depot, bought a silver pipe and some crab traps, and sewed them together. But/And somehow, SHE LOOKS AMAZING!!!

Este, Danielle, & Alana Haim

Danielle and Alana look like they’re shunning Este. Screw you! We were supposed to dress completely like the set of AHS: Coven, and now you’ve ruined it with this weird brownish color.

Taylor Swift

“It’s not a phase, mom! Just FRIKIN’ deal with it.”

Nick Jonas

Nick Jonas decided at the last minute that f-ck you, he should be able to wear a broken condom in his boutonniere.

Nicole Kidman & Keith Urban

Nicole looks like she forgot about the Met Gala and realized, at the last minute that shit, she actually has to GO to this thing. So she drove to Jo-Ann’s and picked up the first gauzy fabric she could find, dumped a bottle of glitter glue on it, tied on a string of Christmas lights to hold it together, and called it a day. Keith Urban looks like the candlestick from Beauty and the Beast.

Jennifer Hudson

 Jennifer Hudson looks like the duster from Beauty and the Beast. #Kennifer? Also, her lip gloss be POPPIN’.

Kim Kardashian & Kanye West

“Are you F-CKING with me? We didn’t get the cover of InTouch Weekly this week? Hold on, Kanye, call my plastic surgeon, we’re going to need 50 gumballs and a bathtub…”

Selena Gomez

Selena looks like she finally got to do what all girls want to do when they get a fancy new sports bra.

Cameron & Tyler Winklevoss

I can’t even critique their fashion choices. I’m too busy staring at their UNBELIEVABLY RECTANGULAR HEADS. Also, Tyra Banks thought she had a five-head? Ooooohhhh mmmmyyyy gooooddddd.

Irina Shayk

Irina looks like a 80’s beach motel. Also, this is not theme-appropriate at all : is she saying that in the future we’re ALL going to be wearing sea stars and plastic beads?

Emma Stone

EMMA YOU ARE SO BEAUTIFUL AND THEME APPROPRIATE AND BADASS. IF YOU’RE READING THIS I LOVE YOU. XOXO!!!!!!

Beyoncé

She looks like a fancy latex peach emoji. A beautiful peach emoji. Also, damn, her butt is like a freakin’ bubble. Kim K could never. Love you B <3

Stacy Martin

Tell me that you don’t look at this and see ‘curtain’?

Aja Naomi King

Damn, that dress is gorgeous against her skin. -10 for not fitting the theme though…unless the futuristic element is…a black woman getting…media coverage…holy shit…

x jenna.

don’t you hate it when…

you fall off the wagon?

Doesn’t it kind of suck, a lot, when you don’t do what you wanted to do? I wanted to turn this blog into a crankin’, bee-boppin’ TEENAGE EMOTION MACHINE, churning out content faster than a factory in a 3rd world country where the workers aren’t paid minimum wage.

But, instead, overdramatically, I stopped posting. [insert dramatic music] But, now, as without an outlet, my emotions are out of control, I’m going to start posting again. Maybe daily?

This post is just cringe-ity, cringe cringe cringe.

Why am I so afraid of being embarrassed of what I’ve done in the past?

More degree-less psychoanalysis tomorrow.

x jenna.

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why i support #WomenInSTEM

short answer: because it’s 2016????

The beautiful woman above is Hedy Lamarr. She was an A-list actress in the early 20th century known for her racy films, and her roles as an stereotypical ‘exotic’ seductress from Eastern Europe. She married the 3rd wealthiest man in Austria, where she was originally from, at the age of 19. In fact, she married (and divorced) six times, the last time to her own divorce lawyer.

What a floozy, right? Actually, she was a f-cking bada$$.

Hedy was Jewish by birth (her mother later converted to Catholicism) in the Sound of Music-era Austria. That rich first husband of hers held lavish parties for Hilter and Mussolini, and sold armaments to them. She escaped him by disguising herself as her maid. When WWII broke out, she used her influence to rescue her mother from Nazi dominated Europe.

But this isn’t all that makes the baddest b!tch out of the Balkan region. Hedy said, “Jack Kennedy always said to me, Hedy, get involved. That’s the secret of life. Try everything. Join everything. Meet everybody.” She did, in a major way. After the outbreak of WWII, she wanted to help with the war effort. However, Hedy was told that instead of assisting with the technology behind the war, she should sell war bonds. They seemed to think she wouldn’t be able to help through scientific inventions.

They were right. Her scientific invention didn’t help the Allies win WWII.

It was only used in US Navy ships of the Cuban Missile Crisis-era. Today, it’s practically useless – it’s just in spread-spectrum communication technology, namely Bluetooth, GPS, cell phones, and Wi-Fi. The point is, Hedy’s case is just one example of the great things incredible women can do in STEM, if only given the chance. Hell, Hedy was never given the chance, and she still invented a brilliant piece of technology that we still use today.

Despite the achievements of Hedy Lamarr and many others, women are still severely underrepresented in STEM. Only one in seven engineers is female. An overwhelming 73% percent of computer science degrees are held by men. It simply amazes me that here, in 2016, women do not see science, technology, engineering, or math as possibilities for their futures, and that STEM careers still carry the stigma of being ‘unfeminine’ or ‘only for men’. So even as we celebrate and encourage #WomenInSTEM, we need to remember – why are we even having this conversation in the first place?

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p.s.: source & source

#smoothsmoothies: the kim kardashian

a quick recipe post! maybe part of a series???

(inspired by the billie lourd hashtag #beinsmoothwithmysmoothie)

THE KIM KARDASHIAN

The O.G. This smoothie has been around since like, 2009, when her reality show first hit the airwaves. It’s been through so much, like additions to the family (pineapple and strawberry), three marriages, and a couple times where it ‘broke the internet’ (the juice cleanse phase of ’15, anyone?). It’s a staple (in the tabloids) and so easy that Kim’s daughter, North, could make it. In fact, North posted this while playing games on my phone. Not sure why or how she chose it but I’m not complaining! LOL


1 big banana

Because we know Kim loves those.

1/2 cup frozen peaches

After all, Paris Hilton’s catchphrase is “that’s hot”. And Kim is like, so not about that anymore. Remember when she was Paris’ personal assistant and Paris called her a hoe on national television? Now Kim’s dissing Paris by turning her into a cartoon mean girl on her iPhone game. Will[ow] you look at that?

1/4 cup spinach

Kim (and her family) love to get nasty, especially on twitter. Never forget the great Kylie Jenner-Blac Chyna-Amber Rose-Khloe Kardashian feud of 2015.

1 cup soy milk

 Her sister (who she bought a f-cking career for, by the way) Kourtney’s breast milk tastes like vanilla soy milk, according to her. Think about that as you blend and enjoy.

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my january faves!!

the usual monthly favorites posts, 2016 Edition!

1.- Pillowtalk, Zayn (Malik)

Z’m zo zroud zof zy zaddy Zayn! Zhat’s zall!

2. – Lush’s “Santa Baby” Lip Tint

You might be asking yourself “why did this chick put a Christmas themed thing in here like a month after Christmas”? Well, Lush had a big BOGO (Buy One Get One, if you’re Hillary Clinton and you don’t know) sale, and as you know, I’m always a sl*t for a good sale. Please don’t kinkshame me.

3. – Marina and The Diamonds Pins (off EBay)

I am Marina’s no. #1 fan and this is an indisputable FACT. I actually ordered these (!!!!) and they look great pinned onto my backpack. I’ve already gotten a compliment about them, so I think they were well worth the $7 (+ free shipping)

4. – BDG’s “Ruby Striped Sweater” via Urban Outfitters

This sweater is super cute – the color is amazing!! The combo is unique and I’ve never seen anything like it before, and the best part is that it’s on sale. I would wear this sweater with dark/medium high-waisted jeans and flats/sneakers, maybe?

5. – Madden Girl’s “Holywood” Boot

I love going to the dEliA’s site, not only because I enjoy the groovy 90’s, but the outrageous sales. They recently went bankrupt, and bankrupt = good prices. The same is true with American Apparel. I’ve been holding off on buying these shoes until now, and now they’re cheap and I’m happy!!

6. – Brandy Melville’s “Isabelle Girls Patch Denim Jacket”

F*ck you, Brandy Melville, for having cute stuff but a terrible sizing policy. What can I say, honestly??!?! It’s adorable. Very art hoe meets sjw. Honestly, if Brandy were to get sizes that actually fit me and didn’t look like a tent, I would buy this in a heartbeat.

7. – Memoirs of an Ex-Prom Queen by Alix Kates Shulman

I recently was lucky enough to get to do an interview with Alix Kates Shulman, the author of this book, for a school project and I discovered her book through it. It’s fiction and follows this vacuous, shallow, beautiful b!tch named Sasha (the best name ever, by the way, my kid definitely will be a Sasha). It’s a great, thought-provoking read.

8. – Stanford University Cardinal Chelsea Fleece Pullover

The softest pullover EVER. It’s totally worth the (gigantic) price, trust me. I wear this at least three – four times a week. As a person who’s looked through practically every single college sweatshirt on the planet, I can tell you as a fact that Stanford, the University of Georgia, and Yale have the cutest sweatshirts #winning !!

9. – Suja Juice

Is this item an ad? Hell yeah!! Recently, at my local Costco, I spotted a box of these juices for an amount of money pressing $30, and since I don’t have enough weird things going on, I’m going to give their 3-day (sort of?) juice cleanse a try. It involves 3 very small meals and 3 of their very _____ looking juices every day. I’m excited to try it and blog about it.

10. – #FRIENDSREUNION

FRIENDS REUNION!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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